This personal essay was written by one of our volunteers, Ameena Vasim! Ameena is a mentor in our Words Alive Westreich Scholarship (WAWS) program, in which we pair graduates from our Adolescent Book Group with mentors and resources as they pursue their higher education goals. Mentoring has played a significant role in Ameena's personal life, so it's a topic that she's passionate about. She shares with us what a mentor is and why mentoring matters.
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Mentors: we have all heard about them. But few of us, including me, have stopped to think about their significance in our lives.
Let’s start from the beginning: the origin of the word “Mentor.” According to Wikipedia, Mentor was a friend of Odysseus. When Odysseus left for the Trojan War, he placed Mentor in charge of his son Telemachus. When Athena visited Telemachus, she took the disguise of Mentor. As Mentor, the goddess encouraged Telemachus to stand up against the suitors and go abroad to find out what happened to his father. Because of Mentor's relationship with Telemachus, and the disguised Athena's encouragement, the name Mentor has been adopted in Latin and other languages, including English, as a term meaning someone who imparts wisdom to and shares knowledge with a less-experienced colleague.
One of my favorite quotes is from Galileo Galilei: “You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.” Mentors are people who help us discover what's within us.
The success and accomplishments of my life are largely attributed to my mentors, people who imparted wisdom, shared their knowledge and showed me the ropes. Who are these mentors and where do we find them? Mentors are teachers who help guide us, build our confidence and develop the character required to propel our lives forward in a positive direction. Regular people around us, like our parents, grandparents, a teacher, an elder sibling, a movie actor or even a cartoon character, can all act as mentors in our lives.
The mentor/mentee relationship is nuanced and special. The mentee is the driver in the relationship: they decide the destination and the route to reach it. A mentor, on the other hand, is bringing their expertise to guide the mentee. They are bringing their wisdom to light someone's path. If you don’t know what you want from them, they won’t be able to help you. Every meeting with the mentor needs to have a clear agenda and when you leave the meeting, you should have a list of action items. It is possible that some of these action items would require a considerable amount of time and work and it is also possible that you might hit a wall with them. The objective here is to brainstorm these challenges, work out the kinks and show progress.
Another common misconception is that mentors are primarily for help with education and career. However, our personal lives are not separate from our professional lives; they are integrated and need to be well balanced for us to grow. Be it for personal or professional reasons, the intention to have a better life and to accomplish our goals is one of the drivers to find mentors. There is no shame in asking for help; you will be surprised at people’s willingness to offer it.
So how do you know when you need a mentor? Personally, when I am faced with questions like "What now? Where do I go from here? How do I deal with this?", I know that I need a mentor. But before I look for a mentor, I start by formulating the problem statement clearly in my mind. When we are stuck, our anxiety, uncertainty and the fear of the unknown creates a noise, a fog that can hide the underlying problem. It is important to filter out this noise. I sit with the issue for a few days, and meditate to define it. Once I understand my problem, I do a little research to get more information on the subject. Then I look around in my network to see who I can reach out to.
Drawing an example from my personal life, a few years ago I got a bad rating at work. This impacted my career ambitions. I was not only angry or disappointed, but also confused. From my perspective I did everything right: in my mind I was a hard-working employee who was meeting all the deadlines and doing what was supposed to be done. These negative feelings stayed with me for a while, changing my attitude towards work to a noticeable extent. I discussed this situation with my spiritual mentor and I realized that I was allowing this anger, disappointment and confusion to blur the actual problem. I got too wrapped up in the symptoms and lost the focus on the actual cause. I meditated and defined my problem statement clearly. I arranged for a meeting with my senior manager.
When I walked into her office, I was calm and I had a clear agenda. I said, “I take full responsibility for the ratings that I got this year. There are definitely gaps that are blocking me from moving forward. Unless I know these gaps, I won’t be able to rectify them. I need help and guidance; perhaps a mentor who can provide a different perspective?” There were no complaints, no mention of any disappointments, just a well-articulated problem with an intention of seeking next steps. She referred me to a mentor. I not only got the best rating the corresponding year but in a couple years I got promoted.
I don’t think there is any accomplished person on this planet who did not have a mentor. The technology at our fingertips has made it very easy to learn on your own. If anything, we are drowning in information. However, we can all benefit from surrounding ourselves with people, who might not teach us information, but rather help us discover the talents, passions, and strengths within ourselves.
So, next time you are struggling with a problem, reflect on whether or not a mentor might be able to help you. Take that first step of defining your problem statement, embrace the possibility of mentorship, and then see which doors you might be able to open with mentors to guide your way.
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As a WAWS mentor and the author of this post, Ameena beautifully illustrates the importance of mentorship. All of these reasons she’s explained (and more!) and the same reasons we are so adamant about providing our scholars with mentorship—we recognize that not everyone has equal access to caring people who can serve as mentors, and we want to ensure that our scholars have that opportunity. Mentors help our scholars discover their strengths and passions, share new perspectives on their challenges, guide them through tough decisions, and perhaps most importantly, encourage professional and personal growth. Learn more about our scholars and how you can support them here.