I never fully understood why my parents were so strongly forbidding me from going to the store. Until recently, I went to the Costco near my house and I discovered what my parents were trying to save me from. Seeing everyone wearing masks, empty shelves, it all sounds like an apocalypse movie gone very real. Me constantly being alert, eyes wide open to see how far apart people are from my mother and me.
I pray that no one gives me a reason to unleash all the fear and anger I have resonating inside me. I am filled to the brim with anxiety. My breath starts to become heavier and heavier and I start to feel like I have to throw up. I tell my mother that I feel like I can't breathe. She realizes that this is becoming too much for her daughter but she calmly tells me to try and slow down my breathing, she tries to help me calm down.
Suddenly when I came home that day I realized that being inside sheltered from seeing the true elements of this catastrophic mess is better than experiencing it for yourself. It is peaceful on the roads and sidewalks but complete and utter havoc and terror in grocery stores. You seem to keep repeating in your head six feet apart over and over again. Finding yourself holding your breath each time someone gets an inch too close. People argue back and forth over who is getting toilet paper and who is to close for comfort; cussing left and right at each other.
But on the sidewalks, it's a whole different story. Sidewalks are peoples zen, a place of peace. An escape to breathe and say you are blessed. You are blessed because you woke up this morning, many did not have that experience this morning or last night. You see people trying to better themselves to try and reflect whether that be physically or mentally. Us teens are feeling trapped but never fully understand how the world is, the world is a cruel place. We all think this isn't true until we actually experience it for ourselves. Sometimes we need a wake-up call telling us, “hey this world isn’t all sunshine and daisies.”
This was my wake up call that no one is going to look after you the way you and your family do. I would rather constantly feel trapped and constantly hear the words COVID-19. Along with hearing an idiot speak words so big he probably has a hard time understanding them himself. I would rather experience that then what I experienced that day out.
I'd like to think that this is the world trying to detox itself from all the harm we have caused it. All of the wildfires, pollution, animal endangerment, etc. This is the world putting everything on pause so we can take a minute and reflect on all that we have done. This is the time to be at peace with yourself and breathe, not to be worried about anything else, and not think of anything else. For these past few days of quarantine, I have been going outside, sitting in my backyard and listening to music; closing my eyes, and just living and loving life for what it is. Returning to old joyous memories I have from my younger years.
We all have to remember that God does things for a reason, maybe he did this for a reason. Maybe this was him stopping the world from spinning round and round and hitting pause so we can all put our phones down and remember what life was like as our younger selves. To give us a chance to play board games, do puzzles, and remember what it was like being a kid with no stress, no worries, just loving life.