A collection of my covid diary entries.
Coronacation
You know, no one thought corona or even the break we got because of it would last long. We made jokes about it, and we still do, but we’re also still stuck at home. Everyone had fun plans to do over spring break, but everything was so unexpected. Even though people miss school and are bored during this pandemic, I’ve been enjoying it as much as I can.
I hate corona, but so many positive things have happened to me since the outbreak. I let go of an unhealthy and toxic relationship, which was upsetting but I’m “losing feelings and emotions” towards it slowly. I feel almost numb towards it, but that may be a good thing.
I grew some confidence which was surprisingly really easy, but I think it’s because I took bullying as a little push from people to start doing things for myself and try to live life how I wanted to.
I also started liking going out a lot, especially just walking around outdoors or at the beach. I don’t quite know what “manifesting” or “manifest” means spiritually, and I wish someone would tell me what it means, but I believe I’ve been manifesting a lot during this break without realizing it, and I believe it’s working well but slowly. However, I don’t want to get my hopes up too high just in case I’m wrong.
I’ve been seeing my siblings way more than I used to before corona, but I’m not complaining because it’s fun. I’ve also gotten close to my parents. They’re all I have at home and most of the time, so I took advantage of the virus to start building a better relationship with them and I’m glad I did.
Yes, I miss seeing people’s faces in person, and I miss making plans with friends that never end up happening, and I miss the mall, swimming, and everything, but it’s so important to make the best out of a bad situation or else you’ll just become sad… and I had to learn the hard way.
Skool Sux
Online school started. It sucks. The homework is suddenly so much harder than it used to be or should be. Classes feel like they’re taking forever even though they’re extremely short. I lost interest in doing homework and in my grades. I don’t know why, but I know I’m not the only one.
There will always be a small number of assignments that I will do only because they’re either not hard or are genuinely really fun to do. However, at some point I had to step it up and start doing my work because my grades do matter, that’s why I’m on my bedroom floor typing this and will be doing exactly that for the next three days.
Mother’s Day
I was taking a quick and normal shower. I was almost done until I got that dizziness feeling you get when you get up too fast, except it lasted way longer than it should’ve. I was seeing random shapes and colors and I kind of stopped hearing. I got really scared so I yelled “mama” so my mom can come into the bathroom. She came in thinking I just needed something like a towel, but I told her I couldn’t see and immediately passed out on her.
I woke up again after a few minutes to her panicking and I was halfway out of the shower. I remember asking her what happened but fainting again. I woke up the second time to my mom dragging me onto my bed all wet. I was about to throw up on my bed but fortunately, I didn’t. I then told her I was fine afterward. I heard my dad rushing into the house and my downstairs neighbor asking what’s wrong. Turns out my dad left a cart full of wood in Home Depot and ran back home which caught my neighbor’s attention.
I felt like it was my time to die. I accepted that at that very second, I would never live or take another breath again. Even though it was terrifying, if death was like how I experienced passing out, I wouldn’t be as scared of death as much. “Death” would be really easy and smooth, but it’s not because I just passed out, nothing else.
Yes, it was the scariest thing to ever happen to me, but I know it was harder for my mom. She was so scared. She told me my face turned yellow and my eyes were wide open. She had to carry me and hold me the whole time all on her own. She was crying and panicking the whole time.
Although I laughed about it at the end, I felt really bad because it was mother’s day and I had to scare my mom and spend the whole day at the ER just because I didn’t drink enough water and eat enough healthy food. However, it taught me a lesson; TO START DRINKING MORE WATER AND EATING MORE HEALTHY!! I don’t want another IV or needle in my arm anytime soon. It was painful.
Juvie
On March 16th, my friend, Ethan told me to stay up because he was going to a party and was going to keep me updated. He wanted to show me what it was like to “live.” I stayed up that night waiting for him to text me, but he never did. I didn’t text him anytime after that, but I missed him so much. I missed him to the point where I felt the need to text him and ask what happened and where he was, so I did, on April 27th.
I told him I missed him and asked if he was in juvie because I had a pretty good guess that he was. The next day, he texted me and told me that he was in juvie for three weeks. He got arrested on the same day as the party, which is what I figured. He told me he liked juvie which I found very odd.
Our small conversation and “check-up” ended. He said he had to go and I said bye. After that, he disappeared again. I don’t know where he is now and he hasn’t been active on social media. I hope he’s not in juvie again or even dead.
Post Covid-19
I cannot wait until the virus blows over. I have so many plans. I want to go to the mall to buy clothes, maybe even shoes, eat panda express, and have a Nutella with strawberry crepe. I also want to go to a seafood restaurant to eat shrimp, crab, lobster, and sushi. I’m most excited to go to Belmont Park with all of my friends. After that, we’ll go over to the beach and have In N Out afterward. SeaWorld with my family and Aquatica with my friends sounds fun, but I honestly don’t know if Aquatica shut down or not. Lastly, my mom is planning on buying me a pair of good roller skates which I’ll be able to use all summer long.
I hope I can make these “dreams” come true. It’s usually my parents getting in the way of making these dreams become reality, but I have a feeling they could happen.